Day12...........I Can Fit Into My Jeans!!!!!!!!

Last weekend we had family pictures taken, I knew what everyone was wearing shirt wise and that the boys were wearing jeans and so was Katie, Maxine had on a brown dress, and I was going to wear a sweater to match the girls. But when it came to pants I didn't know what to wear. I had been living in my sweats literally for weeks. I had gotten really comfy in them.  So the night before pictures I started to try on pants all different ones, and to my surprise not one pair fit me at all. I couldn't even button up my jeans. I was devastated I had nothing to fit me at all, and because I was "never going to be that size again" I gave away all my bigger size clothes. I ended up wearing a pair of stretchy jean capris, thank goodness it was warm when we took the pictures.


This morning when I got up and went to get dressed, I saw my jeans laying on the chair that I had put them on the week before and thought I would just try to see if I had lost anything at all this week, as I do not have a scale yet and have just been really watching what I eat. So I  went over and put them on. they felt really tight going on but i got them all the way up and now it was time to see If I could "try" to do them up. I did it!!!!!!!! I did up the button and zipped them up. The week before I couldn't even get the button close to the hole to to do them up and today I did it. It made me feel so good about myself. The jeans are way too tight for me to wear right now but I give it a couple of weeks and I will be wearing them again.

Day 5

Today is day 5 of  me getting back on track, I have been corn-free for five whole days now, and I must say I am feeling so much better, getting back to my old self, I am not so tired, and sluggish, my belly is not sore and bloated, and I am feeling so much more happier. I have been using my food journal, and keeping track of everything I eat. I  have stayed in my fat and calorie range, and have even been having desert at night! I find if I keep my "dessert" at the end of the day after the kids are in bed and I can settle down and relax without 5000 "mommy, mommy", then I feel like its my little reward for a job well done at the end of the day. this weeks reward dessert is Low Fat Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Raisin Cookies a recipe that I have created  a couple of years ago. Each cookie contains 67 calories and 1.25 grams of fat. Depending on how many calories I have left at the end of the day I can usually eat 2 or 3 of these little things. And what kind of person would I be if I didn't share this recipe, so here it is:

Sam's Low Fat Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Raisin Cookies


2 eggs
1 1/2 cups of apple sauce
1 tsp Baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp Vanilla
1 cup brown sugar
1 cup honey
1 tsp cinnamon
1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour
5 cups oatmeal
1 cup chocolate chips ( I use mini chips  your guaranteed  a couple chips in every cookie)
1 cup raisins

Mix together eggs, apple sauce, brown sugar, honey,vanilla,salt, cinnamon, and baking soda together, next stir in flour until well combined, then add in oatmeal and then both chocolate chips and raisins. scoop out one level tablespoon worth of dough per cooking and place on baking sheet with parchment paper, or use a non-stick baking pan . Bake for 8-10 min at 350C. This recipe makes 83 cookies.

Enjoy!

My Confession

I suffer from depression. A lot of it has to do with my corn allergy, or "intolerance" because if your not having trouble breathing because your throat is closing or if you are not breaking out in hives then you only have an intolerance so the doctors say which is a bunch of $*%&. I have to admit that over the last few months I have not been as careful to look at what I am eating, and it has effected me emotionally and physically. My stomach is always bloated and sore, and I have been feeling down, and angry at the world around me. Its time for me to get it together again. I need a fresh start.


I have gained about 10-15 lbs (wow did I just say that out loud?.....that was hard to admit but I am glad I did!) over the summer especially in the last few weeks before school started for my kids, I ate a lot of things I shouldn't and I diffidently threw moderation out the window.Portion control whats that? Clearly I just didn't care about myself. I was lazy and useless to myself and children and thats not fair to them or myself. I stopped exercising, haven't ran even though my Planter Fasciitus, has heeled and the humidity has been lower, and the weather has been perfect and beautiful. I have come up with every excuse in the book not to help myself.


So now that I have confessed now what? Well small steps will be happening starting tonight out comes the measuring spoons and cups, I need to buy a new kitchen scale (mine broke in the spring) Out will come my food journal and pencils, the calculator and old recipes, and my creative mind to make up new ones. I will be drinking lots of water ( I forget to drink and often have to force myself to drink something) dusting off my Turbo Jam DVDs and weights, hitting the pavement with my oldest child, and putting myself first. This for me will and is the hardest part for me to do, putting myself first. It has to be done.

Quote from Jillian Michaels

"Sometimes people will hear you and be able to change their behavior, but often their behavior has more to do with their own need for approval than with your need for support. No matter what their response, you need to be firm and hold your ground. At the end of the day, your health is your responsibility." 
— Jillian Michaels (Winning by Losing: Drop the Weight, Change Your Life)


I love this quote because it is so true and makes perfect sense. I have nothing new to post today sorry!

Don't Want To Jinx Myself

As you probably know by reading my other blog She Runs, that I have been running........


Running has made my body start to change, I notice in my legs, that they are getting more curvier, my butt is getting smaller, my waist is getting smaller, and my face is looking a little thinner. I am starting to slowly see a difference......


I said I was going to go and buy a new scale I have yet to do that. Why, I would be lying if I said that I didn't know, but I do. For me I am scared that I am going to be upset about the number I see. Scared that I am going to fail and get down and hard on myself. If I don't see the number that I think that I should be seeing I am scared that I will binge or stop running and think whats the point. But if I do that then I not only fail myself but I fail my family and especially my youngest. She has the beginnings of a weight problem. I want to nip this in the butt before she gets older. I want her to see that her mom is healthy and fit, and not some fat lazy person. A friend said the other day, that she wished that her parents had made more of an effort to go for walks and be active. I am trying to teach my kids that. 


Thank God for this really nice weather that we have been having, we have been out walking everyday, My children all walked 4km twice this weekend. Monday they kinda chilled and didn't do much they were exhausted from our very active weekend. Yesterday they played at the park and today I took my two little ones for a long walk this afternoon.


I can honestly say that I have been watching what I eat, I haven't started my calorie counting  in a journal yet, I know I have to start doing that again if I truly want to be successful at losing my weight.  I have been making more conscious decisions of what I have been eating and how much. I have been eating more salads and raw veggies, and leaner meats and less carbs (except for run days) I have also been staying away from a lot of sugars and trying to use natural or organic low glycemic sugar alternatives such as agave nectar or stevia, I have been drinking more water, and getting more sleep.


So my question to you is do I buy the scale and become totally obsessed with the number or just keep doing what I am doing and start my calorie journals and become obsessed with that?

Diets, Diets, Diets

Diets how many have you been on? Did it work? For how long? Chances are you have just answered : tried all of them, and either yes or no to the second question, and if it was a yes, you probably kept the weight off until you went off the diet. Am I right or am I right? As my daughter likes to say!


I have been on so many diets and have had the same results in all of them , you lose the weight and gain it back twice as fast and then your no where nearer where you wanted to be in the first place, you took one step forward and then two steps back.


I want this blog to be about my journey of losing weight and to help you understand where I am coming from I have to start at the very beginning.


I was never the fat kid growing up, I think I was pretty average. I remember being pretty active bike riding, skating, skiing, and running I did my first 3k when I was 7 years old I remember training for it. I was also into swimming, gymnastics, baseball, and basketball. My parents decided to separate when I was 9 1/2 years old and we moved from a small town to the city. I lived with my mom and brother. I am not sure how it happened  but maybe it was the stress but I slowly started to turn food for comfort. By the time I was in junior high I became the fat girl. I started my yo-yo dieting then, I tried all different diets to lose weight and they didn't seem to help much.especially when I had stresses in my life I remember being able to eat a whole McCain chocolate cake for lunch or a big bag of chips for lunch, I always ate in secret I never let people know how much I was eating or what I was eating. In grade 11 My friend at school who was another "fat girl" lost a lot of weight one summer and came back to school I was impressed, I started to get serious about losing weight I  began to watch what I ate. I started to exercise more, and I started smoking. I believe that I lost weight and was able to keep it off for longer periods of time because I was smoking . I had something else to occupy my mind and hands with other than food. I was also part bulimic. I didn't always make myself throw up only when I had binged so much that it made me feel so sick.


By the time grad came and I had put the dress on I had bought in the winter I had lost so much weight that it was too big on me.I went from being 185 to about 140 in a few months. After grad a lot happened I got a full time job, rebelled against my mom, moved out with a much older guy,and found out that life was way harder than i thought it was to be. by the time I turned 19 I lost another 15 pounds That was my lightest adult weight and I don't even have a picture of it I am sad to say.125lbs I was at that weight until I was pregnant with my first child, at 16 weeks pregnant I lost my baby. I turned to food once again and four months later I was up 5 pounds and learned I was pregnant with Katie, I gave up smoking 3 mths into the pregnancy but I ate healthy my cravings were oranges and pineapples (this maybe why she hates pineapples to this day!) I ate salads and fresh veggies everyday. I also ate a lot. I was hungry all the time and no morning sickness at all (not so lucky with the other two kids). My relationship had failed and I moved back home with my mom this was the best thing I could have done I should have swallowed my pride and moved home long before I did. When I gave birth to my beautiful baby girl I was 165 I came home at 150. Sadly when I was done eating for two my mind and body didn't think I was and I kept on gaining weight. After I came back to work from mat leave I was a whopping 180 I gained 30 lbs after I had my daughter. Then I met my Knight In Shining Armor , the love of my life and I gained 20 lbs while dating him, I tried to lose weight while going to school full time and taking care of a toddler planning a wedding and doing loads homework trying to keep up with the housework and laundry, but with the stress and convenience of having a car and getting fast food all the time I sadly did not lose anything, but happily I didn't gain anything either.


So that's 200  if you have been keeping up with the numbers. After I finished school I couldn't find a job in my area of work so I worked at Subway as a manager (words of advice never work as a manager at Subway not worth the aggravation and stress) I quit the job after 4 mths of nothing but stress. I found out 6 weeks later I was pregnant with my son I gained 36lbs with him and I craved nothing but junk I was also bedridden for 7 long months I am surprised that I didn't gain more. I am glad to know that out of the 36 lbs 25 of them were water weight and maternal fluid, If you did the math yes my son weighted 11 lbs. I quickly lost the weight.I gained with him I worked really hard and was well on my way to losing the rest of the weight I had gained while dating my husband and from gaining before and after my daughter. ........and then we had an ooops in the bedroom and learned I was expecting our last little bundle of joy. I gained 25 lbs with her. It took me about a year to lose the whole 25 lbs with her.


Last year I was able to lose10 lbs it took me 3mths and it was very frustrating because I was working hard to lose it. but apparently when you get older and stressed out it's harder to lose weight. So I have been yo-yoing between 190-200.


I will be getting a new scale this week (and hiding it from my kids they seem to break all of them) and each week I will be weighing in and giving tips and keeping a close track of my calories and fat, and writing about my raw emotions , my stresses,my happiness, and just maybe I can keep track of myself to see where I go wrong and where I go right.


Thanks Sam